...is #%*#K%$J! hard
Recently i've been feeling a lot of stress and anger from my family, partly because i moved back home for the summer, and honestly i don't know how to deal with it. In the past, i would just do what my sister does, get angry and fight back. But i made it a priority to show them that i've changed and matured in college... not going so well.
I became the rebellious child, talking back to my parents when i didn't like something. Honestly, it comes from a good place and i don't want them to get angry but something in the middle messes it all up (language barriers, age differences). I don't know what to do because i KNOW that God is telling me to fix up this family but it's been really hard. My patience and anger tolerance gets tested every single day. I'm not used to it because i would rarely get angry up there at Binghamton. I want to obey God and be a good son and help us to become a more spiritual family but all the steps i've taken so far... are not going anywhere.
And i haven't been the best son at all, when it comes to academically or setting a good example for my sister. I don't like to look back but just reflecting on it, i understand why my mom cried for two days after i told her my GPA. It broke my heart to see my mom so angry at me because i was angry at myself but she wouldn't understand how much i hate myself sometimes. I hate that i can't be that perfect son of hers who gets high grades and speaks Mandarin and doesn't get temper problems like all of her friends' sons. Now what i can do is try harder in school but it won't erase how much my mom had to go through for us and how i knew it all along but didn't give a crap. So many years of thinking i don't do anything wrong has flipped and i feel sucky. How can i say that i'm a "good Christian" up at Bing when i can't down at home?
Wow this is a lot for just a post... especially since i don't talk about my family a lot but yeah... i heard this is what blogging is for...
I don't like updating my blog...ever
About Me
- Gary
- ...is a conundrum
8 comments:
hey bud, don't worry. just be patient and let them realize that you've really grown up and matured. let God work in your family! i know all too well how this feels, and i'll definitely be praying for you. don't rebel, just be a "good son."
:)
whoa! hello gary. welcome to the world of blog.
i TOTALLY hear ya. family is so HARD to deal with sometimes. makes me want to pull my hair out, and i love my hair :\
i always feel like a hypocrite because i find it so much easier and more fruitful to love and care for others than it is for my own family, even if others treat me worse than my family. it's so strange. but family is family, and it's the family God gave to us. we have to learn to love our neighbors, and sometimes our neighbors share the same blood, last name, and live in the same house.
i'm working on that too, and i'm definitely sure we're not alone in this. so don't think you're alone in this, okay? i guess you and i have a lot more in common apparently than we think...
and i've made way longer blog posts than this. trust me, this is not long.
family is always hard. from my experience, our parents will aways be right. even when we think we're right, it's really not worth it to fight. i think you have matured. you're not a baby anymore, remember? don't worry. it will work out. :D
Dear Gary,
I think now youve realized the tables turned is a BIG sign of maturity. Next step is to just step up the work a little bit with school next year.
Precautionary warning though; even if you were the best son you could possibly be, your folks might still want something more. That would suck, but it will suck less the more secure you are in you heavenly sonship.
Don't get discouraged brother.
Add oil!!
i definitely feel like i have a lot to say in response to this blog.
but i only had like 4 hours of sleep.
so i can't think straight.
but i will say that gary, you've grown so much and i definitely trust God to carry you through into completion... i know that's a verse, but i can't think of where it is... philippians?
anyways, i hope we get to talk soon. = )
yo...this is your FIRST summer back. but it gets better...but yeah, that seems to be a problem for all of us bingers...home for some reason is always hard to adjust to and stuff..but no worries...you still have like 10 weeks...xP
same here. never good on grades, and angry at family a lot lately. but look on the bright side, they missed you when your at school. to enjoy it at home while =)
i think your friend meant, "Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." 3:13 but maybe it was something else. when you fall just get back up. He'll be there
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